The Art Of Honesty And Communication by Lisa Cesal, Self Advocate and Author

The Art of Honesty and Communication

By: Lisa Cesal, Author & Self Advocate

I am a person with a disability who has been in several different kind of relationships.  Ninety percent of the time relationships break down because of two reasons. These would be communication and honesty.    

When two people have a conversation between male and females they can interpret things differently.  It's even harder when you are dealing with people with disabilities.  The reason for this is that some are socially awkward when dealing with their feelings and emotions. This is due to most people with disabilities having limited experience in social settings and relationships. 

In my experience it's very difficult for me to communicate feelings that I would like to because I do not want to hurt any one's feelings.  This can cause confusion about the status of what type of relationship I am in.  This has happened to me recently as I lost a close friend due to miscommunication and not being open and honest and telling the other person how I really felt.  

This all happened because I was assumed the person I was hanging out with thought we were just friends but he thought we were dating.  Once he found that he was in the "friend zone" he took it very hard and basically stopped speaking to me.  This could have been easily avoided if one of us would have just simply clarified the situation.  In retrospect I should handled it differently.  I should have made it clear that we were friends and always   would be without a chance of becoming more.  But I failed to do that because I did not want to hurt his feelings and did not communicate properly and I gave him mixed signals.  

So, in the future I will try and learn from this and help others not to make the same mistakes I did as being open and honest is the best policy. 

By Lisa Cesal 
Author, Self Advocate, IL Imagines Chicago Team Member
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Check out Lisa's book co-authored with Chris Lenart titled: They Said We Couldn't

Check out Lisa's and Chris's Youtube Channel where they post 2 videos a week rasing disability awareness and how people with disabilities positively contribute to society.

Team Member Spotlight: LInda Sandman

IL Imagines Team Member Spotlight

Linda Sandman

Team member name: 

Linda Sandman

Position:  

Director of Clinical Services, Clinical Assistant Professor

Agency/Program: 

UIC Developmental Disabilities Family Clinics

Member since: 2012

Member Bio:  

Linda Sandman is a Clinical Assistant Professor at the Institute on Disability and Human Development (IDHD) at the University of Illinois at Chicago. Linda has over 25 years of clinical experience working with adults with disabilities, including mental health, intellectual and developmental disabilities (ID/DD). She is the Director of Clinical Services for the Developmental Disabilities Family Clinics, which provides comprehensive diagnostic and clinical services for children through adults with ID/DD. In addition, Linda is a founding member of the Sexuality and Disability Consortium at IDHD and is an active member of Illinois Imagines Chicago, as well as the state-wide Planning Team and Public Policy committee for Illinois Imagines.

Quote:  

“Why go chasing distant fancies? The good is ever near! Learn to grasp your chances! Happiness is always here.” – Goethe

Why I joined IL Imagines. 

As a therapist at the UIC Family Clinics, I met many people with developmental disabilities who had experienced sexual violence and I began working to address this issue. I was so excited to find out about Illinois Imagines. I love the collaboration – bringing together people with disabilities, disability service providers, allies and rape crisis center professionals. It is making change happen!

Fun Fact:  

I love to make jewelry, especially earrings. It’s fun, wearable art!

#SAAM2016: OUR RIGHTS...RIGHT NOW Photo Campaign

Sexual Assault Awareness Month #SAAM2016

OUR RIGHTS...RIGHT NOW 

Photo Campaign

co-chair, Jae JIn Pak 
with his message of support.

In recognition of Sexual Assault Awareness Month #saam2016, IL Imagines Chicago is launching #ourrightsrightnow photo campaign. 

We want to show support for survivors of sexual violence with disabilities through the power of pictures.

Our Goal:

We want to collect and post as many pictures of people holding a sign with a supportive message for survivors of sexual violence with disabilities.  Like the ones shown above and below.
Send questions to ilimagineschicago@gmail.com 

We invite Survivors, People with Disabilities, and Allies.

Fab Intern; Julie Parikh
with her message of support.

Co-Chair; Anacany Barrera
with her message of support.

Help us go viral!  
Join us! Add your message of support. It's easy.

• Download the sign you wish to use below.
• If you use the "sample" sign, take a picture of yourself holding it in front of you.
• If you use the "blank" sign, write or draw your message of support.
• Take a picture of yourself holding your sign in front of you so it is visible and readable.
• Post to instagram, facebook, twitter with the hashtags;
• #ilimagineschicago, #saam2016, #ourrightsrightnow
• Please tag us in your posts so we can find them.  
• Facebok-@ilimagineschicago
• Twitter-@ilimagineschgo
• Instagram-@ilimagineschicago
• Share and invite others to post.

THANK YOU! :)

sample sign

Blank sign for you to fill out.

We invite Survivors, People with Disabilities, and Allies.

Featured Team Agency Profile: CHS

IL IMAGINES CHICAGO

TEAM AGENCY SPOTLIGHT

Agency/Program name:

Chicago Hearing Society, a division of Anixter Center

2001 N. Clybourn Ave.  Suite 200

Chicago, Illinois 60614

Office: (773) 248-9121

Web: www.chicagohearingsociety.org

Facebook: facebook.com/ChicagoHearingSociety

Twitter: ChgoHearingSociety

Agency overview:

Chicago Hearing Society (CHS) empowers Deaf, Hard of Hearing and Hearing people to communicate and collaborate by providing an array of social services, advocacy, support programs and assistive technology products to Deaf and Hard of Hearing people.

Agency/Program Mission:

Since 1916, CHS has offered programs and services that improve the lives of deaf and hard of hearing individuals by empowering them to connect with the world around them.

Range of services:

Hearing Health Clinic and hearing aids, Sign Language Interpreter and Translator Services, Free Amplified Telephones, Information and Referral, Video Remote Interpreting (VRI), Captioning, Parent Support, Hearing Aid Bank, Tinnitus Program, Youth Program, Victim Assistance, Domestic Violence Counseling, Income Tax Return Preparation, Deaf Community Calendar of Events (Deaf Line)

Specialties:

Our staff is fluent in American Sign Language and Spanish

Disability accessible:

CHS is 100% Disability accessible.

Team Member Spotlight: Meet Co-Chair Jae Jin :)

IL Imagines Chicago Team Member Spotlight

Team member name: Jae Jin Pak; Self Advocate

Position:  Co-Chair for 2015-2017

Member since: 2009

Member Bio:  

Jae Jin Pak is a social justice advocate, educator, and ally.  For over 20 years, he has worked on issues of mental health, ending men’s violence against women, disability, anti-oppression and cultural competency.  He has presented for high school & college students, teachers, law enforcement, medical staff, faith leaders, social service providers & community members.  

He has served on the Board of Directors of the Asian American Suicide Prevention Initiative (AASPI), Asian Giving Circle, the IL Imagines Chicago Team, IL Caucus for Adolescent Health (ICAH), Korean American Community Services (KACS), IL Coalition Against Domestic Violence MEN Committee and IL Coalition Against Sexual Assault Education & Training Committee.  He is a graduate of Northern Illinois University.

Quote:

"All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."

Edmund Burke

Why I joined IL Imagines.

I wanted to connect with my “disability” identity.   I learned of the lack of outreach to the disability community about men’s violence against women’s issues.  Being a person with a disability, I realized I could be a voice and bridge to educate, advocate and ally to my disability community.  I want to help.

Fun Fact:  

I’m a geek who loves my gadgets, gizmos and a long time Doctor Who fan. Life is timey whimey. :)

Team Member Spotlight: Say hello to our intern Julie :)

IL Imagines Chicago Team Member Profile

Team member name: Julie Parikh

Position:  Intern

Agency/Program: YWCA

Member since: December 2015

Member Bio:

I am 22 years old and I am from Plainfield, IL. I am currently finishing my undergraduate studies at the University of Illinois at Chicago. I will be graduating with a B.A. in Applied Psychology with a minor in Criminology, Law, and Justice. I am a Resident Assistant at UIC and enjoy creating social programs for my residents. My goal is to attain a Masters in Social Work and to continue advocacy work in Chicago.

Quote:

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world"

Why I joined IL Imagines.

My goal is to work to promote future changes in the system to help those that may not be able to advocate for themselves. I stand by IL Imagines message that advocates can not only just help survivors of domestic violence or sexual assault, but can make a lasting change in our community.

Fun Fact:

My favorite color is purple.

SUCCESS in DATING for People with Disabilities.

Picture from Google Images

Successful dating: Tips from a self advocate social butterfly.
by: Lisa Cesal

Dear Readers and Bloggers, 

I have been dating and spending time with men for almost 40 years.  Here are some tips that I have found to be successful.

1. Coffee bars (Starbucks, Pete's, etc.)  Women and men are very friendly and helpful making it easy to start a conversation.

2. Any religious gathering as long as you're willing to say "Hi."

3. Dating sites (Plenty Of Fish, Match)  Be honest - don't be afraid to talk about your disability.

4. Parks and Outdoor Events.  Just keep your eyes open!

5. Public Places (malls, theaters and restaurants)  Don't be shy!

Video:  Do's and Don'ts of Online Dating by Lisa and Chris.
Here is video from Lisa and Chris's youtube Channel where they talk about dating.

by: Lisa Cesal

Author, Self Advocate

IL Imagines Chicago and DuPage Member

Connect with Lisa.

Lisa's Book: Lisa and Chris have written a book about their experiences living with Cerebral Palsy. The book also illustrates how they have moved beyond the barriers of their disability.

Lisa's YouTube:  Lisa and Chris post videos twice a week on disability awareness.

The world of disability and dating is vast and diverse.  So below are a couple additional perspectives from different sources.  


Video: Wheelchair Dating Questions You’re Too Afraid To Ask by Buzzfeed Yellow

• Santina is an actress, writer, and improviser—she’s also been in a wheelchair since she was 5 years old. She has answers for some questions people have about dating.

Video: Dating with a Disability #RealTalk from Stuff Mom Never Told You

• Cristen shares the romantic high and lows of Stuff Mom Never Told You fans dating with disabilities. 

Note from the team:
The tips and videos are from a "heteronormative" perspective.  However, all of Lisa's tips can be useful for anyone on the gender and sexual spectrum.

Question for comment:
IL Imagines Chicago, wold like to learn from you.  If you have successful dating tips, ideas, please share in comments.

Thank you,
IL Imagines Chicago Team

Disclaimer: The ideas, suggestions, tips, expressed in this post and linked posts are for informational purposes only.  IL Imagines Chicago and all related members and organizations have no responsibility/accountability for any outcomes There are no guarantees.  Success in love and dating is up to our own individual merits.

Featured Team Agency Profile: Metro YWCA

IL IMAGINES CHICAGO

TEAM AGENCY SPOTLIGHT

Agency/Program name: 

YWCA Metropolitan Chicago/Sexual Violence Support Services

820 W Jackson, Ste 550

Chicago IL 60607 

Office: 312.229.7259 

24hr Rape Crisis Hotline: 888.293.2080

Web: www.ywcachicago.org 

Facebook: facebook.com/ywcachicago

Twitter:  twitter.com/ywcachicago

Agency overview:

YWCA Metropolitan Chicago is committed to providing women with the support and tools needed to transform their lives, be confident in their choices and make valuable contributions to their communities.

Agency/Program Mission:

YWCA is dedicated to eliminating racism, empowering women and promoting peace, justice, freedom and dignity for all.

Range of services: 

Sexual Violence Support Services:

Counseling, Medical and Legal Advocacy, Prevention Education, Rape Crisis Hotlines

Specialties:   

Rape Crisis Services 

Disability accessible:

All Facilities are accessible.

Meet our Senior Co-Chair Anacany Barrera:)

IL Imagines Chicago Team Member Spotlight

Team member name: Anacany Barrera         

Position:  Coordinator, Crisis Line and Volunteer Services

Agency/Program: YWCA Metropolitan Chicago Sexual Violence Support Services

Member since: 2013

Member Bio: 

Anacany received her undergraduate degree in History from Utah Valley University.  Anacany brings six years of experience working directly with underserved members of the community through Head Start.  Anacany spent three years as the Bilingual Prevention Educator for the YWCA Sexual Violence and Support Services. Anacany is on mission to innovate how we provide services on the Chicago Rape Crisis Hotline and expand our volunteer program.

Quote: 

“There is no agony like an untold story inside of you.” 

Maya Angelou  

Why I joined IL Imagines.  

I was invited to attend the Chicago Team meeting when I started working at the YWCA and that is all it took.  I am very interested in working with underserved populations and IL Imagines is a perfect way for me to get involved. 

Fun Fact:  

I am a member of the Jane Austen Society of North America, Chicago Chapter and a mom to an adorable pup.

Happy New Year from IL Imagines Chicago. Great stuff for 2016!

Greetings world.  Hope all is well.  IL Imagines Chicago is excited to re-launch our blog.  We have lots of plans for 2016. 

What have we been up to? 
We have successfully completed 3 mini-grant projects.

Team members Linda Sandman and Osvaldo Caballero
lead educational group on SV and disability for parents of
children with disabilities in Spanish.

• Project 1, focused on developing and conducting 4 total, educational groups for parents to learn and support their children who are sexually abused.  This project was designed to engage Spanish and English speaking parents.

Full room of health care professionals learning about
intersection of sexual violence and disability.

• Project 2, focused on developing and conducting an all day seminar for health care professionals with information about sexual violence and disability issues.  The seminar was designed to train attendees on how better respond to the needs of and support survivors of sexual violence with disabilities that they encounter in their practice.

Proud self advocates & ally trainees for the
40hr SV Crisis Intervention Training

• Project 3, focused on developing and conducting the 40hr sexual violence crisis intervention training for people with disabilities and their allies.  Upon completion, participants would meet IL certification standards as rape crisis counselor/advocates as monitored by the IL Coalition Against Sexual Assault (ICASA).

Our team has also participated in numerous community events and been invited to present on sexual violence and disability at various organizations.

Team members Jae Jin Pak(l) and Lisa Cesal(r)
Presenting on SV and disability as part of
40hr Training for Mujeras Latinas en Acion

Team members Cathy Saunders(l) and Lisa Cesal(r)
co-presented a webinar on self advoccy

What's happening in 2016?

We are getting ready for an exciting 2016.  We have lots in the works.  We will have regular updates here, on our blog.  

• Posts to get to know our team members and member organizations
• Activities for Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) which is April, 
• Participating in the 2016 Disability Pride Parade, and more.
• Follow us on twitter @ilimagineschgo
• Follow us on our NEW instagram @ilimagineschicago
• Like us on facebook

Stay tuned. :)
IL Imagines Chicago Team